You Gotta Keep Em Separated

"Hey, man you talkin back to me?
Take him out,
You gotta keep em separated...."

Okay, okay, flashing back to 1994 when The Offspring first released that song (with the ever-catchy surfer instrumental) isn't actually the point of this post.  Not even close, to be honest.  But, the main theme that was repeated throughout that song was, "You Gotta Keep Em Separated," and that theme ties perfectly in with the ever-important topic that I will cover with you today.

I once referenced HERE that Comanche had made a certain sandwich "just the way I like it."  That sandwich was none other than the all-American classic - peanut butter and jelly!

Enter music montage. Go on, watch it.


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Okay, enough with the nonsense - back to the matter at hand.  In my book, there is only one correct way to make a PB&J and I wanted to impart my wisdom on the masses.  It is imperative that you all know what is the right way and what is the wrong way.  Here goes nothing...

Step One.  Always start with the jelly.

Grape is my jelly of choice.

Step One, complete.

Step Two.  Rinse off your knife.

Seriously. Don't miss Step Two.

Step Three.  Peanut butter application.

Don't worry, PB!  You get your turn!

Clean rim = clean soul.

Step Four.  Thank your audience for watching you do the correct PB&J-making method.  (Please note that they are the primary reason why you start with the jelly and then move to the good stuff).

Yeah, it was a full house that day - my kids had friends over.

The peanut butter party has started.

Step Five.  Press each side together in a "folded over" fashion.  I call them "peanut butter and jelly folded overs."

See?  Folded overs!

Step Six.  Locate PB&J Party Fouls.

Uh uh.  Not cool.  My skin is literally crawling.  Ew.

Step Seven.  Show your obvious disdain for the situation.

Step Eight.  The final step.  Hunt the offenders and make them pay.

In the wise words of Liam Neeson, "I will find you and I will kill you."

There you have it, folks.  This has been a valuable life lesson from me to you.  You are welcome.

Until next time,

Just For Giggles!

I've shared this with you all before but I just couldn't resist the urge to share it again!  It never fails to make me laugh hysterically, between the action itself and the followup commentary!  Word of advice (especially to those of the male persuasion):  Don't make me mad, or you'll get the "YKW" treatment from me!


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Happy Hump Day, Peeps (unless you're the guy in the video)!  :)

Until next time,

MAJOR Irritation

I pride myself on being nice to people.  I would say I have a lot of friends, and that I'm generally well-liked.  I hope my pals would tell you that if they ever needed me, they could count on me to be there for them.  But, I do have another side that doesn't normally make its way into the light.

This alter-ego is Scrappy, as some of my coworkers hilariously dubbed me.  Scrappy is not one to be crossed.  Scrappy will put you in your place and put fear in your heart.  It takes a lot to bring Scrappy out, but I would like to introduce you to one of my worst enemies in the world, someone I have a MAJOR irritation with:

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Would it help if I put it in a "her" form?

You know girls are catty. Source

Pardon my french, but Ivy, as we'll call her, is a major cuss word.  She's the meanest of the mean, and she doesn't care if you were having a perfectly good day.  If she wants to take you down, she will.  Granted, you might be one of the few lucky ones who are immune to her, but rest assured, I.am.not.one.of.the.lucky.ones.

Let's just say that I got into a tangle with Ivy and while I am not going to say she won, I will say that she is busy telling all her friends, "Yeah, I look like this but you should see Chicken Wing."  Cuss word, like I said. 

She gets bragging rights.  As for me, I got a 12-day Prednisone schedule, coupled with Claritin twice a day.  Oh, and the skin irritation and agonizing itching that pretty much makes you want to go up to an impressionable friend and convince them to just put you down.

I am happy to report that I finally achieved two nights of continuous sleep where I was not awakened with that dreadful itch at 2am.  Or 4am.  Let's hope we can make it three nights tonight.  Pray for me, Peeps.

Hopefully, this will be the last run-in I have with Ivy for awhile.  I haven't gotten into a fight this bad with her in years, and I hope we can put a few more years in between now and the next time we throw down. 

But, just in case I haven't made myself crystal clear with where I stand in this ongoing fued, let me toss this careful warning out there:

Watch your back, Ivy.  If you have a choice between taking a dark alley or a road with a streetlamp on at night, choose the streetlamp.  You better start using the buddy system.  You are making the Wing very angry...and you wouldn't like me when I'm angry.

Until next time,