You Spin Me Right Round, Baby

"....right round, like a record baby, right round round round."

Okay, I have to disagree wholeheartedly!  I'd change Dead or Alive's lyrics to, "You spin me round and I hate it baby."  I know that may sound funny, and it is meant to be, but I do mean what I said in all seriousness.  To completely understand what in the world I'm talking about, let's start at the beginning.

A few weeks ago, I experienced these really weird dizzy spells.  I really don't have much experience with dizzyness aside from the occasional merry-go-round, or you know, my beloved Teacups ride at Disney.  Either way, it's been years since I've done either of those things, so I really don't have much personal experience to go on.  The first time, it was like a constant state of semi-dizzyness and I chocked it up to allergy season being newly upon us.  Hey, I did have pretty strong sinus pressure in my forehead, so I thought that simply must be it.  The only thing that concerned me was that I'd never experienced dizzyness with allergies before, and it got so sketchy once that day while driving that I felt it best to pull over.

Then, I was good for awhile.  A week or so later, it happened again, only this time was much more scary!  I literally got so dizzy that I almost passed out, and again I was in the car and had to pull over.  I got so shaky and I tried to drink water and eat the chocolate that I just so happened to have in my car, and that did help after about 20 minutes.  By this time, though, I was convinced I had some sort of crazy brain tumor that was affecting my world!  I did the best thing I could think of and called my doctor - I had to have an appointment that day!

The only way I could describe this dizzy feeling I was getting is this:

Yes, that is your Chicken Wing (and the mandatory "We got cows." graphic) in a tornado.

Ridiculous, yes.  As accurate as I can be without actually having ever been in a tornado, also yes.  After several tests at the doctor's office, it was determined that I was suffering from BPPV, or Benign paroxysmal positional vertigo.  We call it just vertigo around these parts, to keep it short.  Basically, it's an inner-ear issue that can pretty much pop up and affect anyone. 

There are calcium crystals in your inner ear that dislodge from their normal places and begin floating through your ear canals (you have three in your ear, and they're called the Labyrinth).  While you always have fluid in these canals, the crystals aren't supposed to be floating along, too.  Ultimately, the example my doctor gave me was this:  In a normal circumstance, if I turn my head to the left, fluid flows through the canals and hits the little fibers in the canal.  This sends a message to my brain that says, "Hey, guy, I just turned my head to the left.  In case you needed to know."  (Or something like that).  In BPPV, the crystals slam into the little fibers, and the vibrations that causes are so intense that too many signals get sent to your brain at one time, and your brain has no idea what you just did.  So, you get really dizzy until your brain can figure it out. 

Is this fun?  No.  Does it make you nauseus?  Um, yeah.  Did I find myself army crawling across my bedroom floor at certain points?  You betcha, Sir!  I had to miss two days of work!  That's how you know how terrible it is!  My treatment period of crystal-moving exercises and anti-motion-sickness medication is two weeks, and I'm hoping that I'll be back to 100% after that!  I surely would love it!  The only bad thing about vertigo is that it can reccur later, and there's really no way to know that it's going to hit.  :(  I guess the silver lining, though, is that at least I should know what it is next time, and I won't go straight to panic and fear!

So this has been my journey with something totally random that simultaneously scared me to death and made me feel like a completely crazy person.  I've been shocked at how many people have reached out to me who have also experienced vertigo!  Some folks had mild cases, others had it so bad they couldn't drive for a MONTH, but everyone could easily agree that it's miserable and horrible. 

My PSA to all of you readers out there:  If you're feeling any of the symptoms I did (and am), please make an appointment with your doctor to get checked out.  Then, do the exercises and take the medicine as directed, and please, don't try to be a hero!  Pull over your car if you feel like this!  My doctor said he was so proud of me for not risking my life and the lives of others because your vision and ability to adjust to your surroundings are severely compromised with vertigo!

Have a happy and healthy week!

Until next time,

That Time Of Year

Okay, I guess it's time to accept the fact that I'm getting older.  It's self-admittedly pretty bad when you forget that your own birthday is a few days away.  I guess that's what I get for being so busy, yeah?  Oh wells, life goes on.  Today is the day we celebrate my birth.  I, for one, am glad I've been given this many years to live and I hope God grants me many more!  I am more blessed than I ever imagined!

I've been trying to reflect on the past year so that I could leave you all with some pearls of wisdom - wisdom is what you're supposed to look forward to with age, isn't it?  I find this assignment to be challenging, since who knows if there is anything that I have learned this year that would apply to your lives, but here goes nothing!

1.  If you're going to have long hair, for the love of everything, attempt to style it!  (I am as guilty as they come of rocking the "hey, check out my hair as it literally just hangs on either side of my face day after day" look.  But we have to focus - Pinterest has changed the game, y'all.  There is no excuse for not at least TRYING the tutorials for cute styles that you've pinned.)

2.  That brings me to the next thing I've learned - when you put your mind to something, eight times out of ten, you can accomplish it!  The project isn't going to complete itself, folks!  For example, if you stumble across a craft project and accompanying tutorial - if you think you can make it cheaper than you can buy it, give it a shot!  I wanted to use fabric flowers as accents in my wedding.  Did I know how to do it?  Heck to the no!  Did I find a tutorial and have the materials?  You betcha!  Could I really justify spending $10 PER FLOWER when I felt capable of doing it myself for $10 or less TOTAL?  You have lost your mind!  Did I finally work up the courage to try?  Yes sir, yes ma'am.  And I'm so glad I did!

Proud crafty mama, I am!  Can't wait to share professional pictures of these bad boys in use!

3.  Sometimes, letting go is a part of growing up.  Over the past year, several people I had invested a lot of time and energy in let me down.  Not just once - more like continuously.  I have finally gotten to the point in my life where I am okay with letting go of relationships that make me sad more than they make me happy.  If someone constantly uses me, they're gone.  If they lie to me, they're gone.  If they only exist for the sole purpose of starting or continuing drama, they're gone.  As much as I've tried to complicate it over the years, it really is as simple as that.  Pray for them, bless their hearts, and move on.

4.  In the same vein as number 3, make it a PRIORITY to surround yourself with good, positive, challenging people.  I promise you, it will become one of your proudest accomplishments.

5.  Spend less time posting on facebook and other social media sites and live your life.  Wow this took a lot of time to put into action, because let's face it - we all love a good timesuck or two.  For example, I actually had someone say to me, "I can't believe you didn't post pictures while on your trip this week!"  Newsflash:  I was enjoying my HONEYMOON.  The only honeymoon I'll ever get.  I didn't want to spend my precious week off putting pictures or statuses on facebook about how much I enjoyed engorging myself with crab legs, hush puppies, and honey butter (rest assured, I did.  A lot.).  I wanted to spend my precious week off from work with my brand new, super sexy, uber fun, hunk of a husband.  [Sidebar:  I did take pictures.  I will post them when I get some time.  Pinky promise.]

6.  Magic Mike was an awesome movie, and not for the plotline.

7.  Getting organized is hard.  Staying organized is harder.  This is a work in progress for me because I'm not a natural organizer where everything has it's place.  Or, I'm not that way about everything - I am about some things and I wish I was about everything.  I'm a clutterbug.  My husband is somewhat of a clutterbug.  Two clutterbugs living in Casa De Clutterbug equals chaos on most days.  We're working on it.  If organization is a challenge for you, too, all I can say is keep going and don't give up! 

8.  When all else fails you, simply say a prayer.  God hears everything you tell Him.  He is always faithful.

9.  When you constantly have prayed for something (that promotion at work, the guy/girl to take things to the next level, to win the lottery, to find someone to be with, or to make pain go away in some form) and nothing changes, the right move is not to curse God.  It's not to blame Him, call Him a meanie or some other terrible name, or swear off believing in Him altogether.  The correct move is to take a long hard look in the mirror, buck up a bit, and realize that maybe God isn't ignoring you...maybe God is simply telling you, "No."  Guess what, it happens.

10.  Finally, one last nugget of wisdom (you like how I word played on a form of chicken???) for you that I've learned in the past year is marry someone who turns you into a team.  Marry someone you genuinely want to do life with.  Marry someone who you can successfully have difficult discussions with.  Marry someone who makes the world a better place.  Marry someone who takes time for the little things.  Marry someone who makes you laugh.  Marry someone who knows what to do when you cry.  Marry someone who knows how to say the words, "I'm sorry."  Marry someone who wants to marry you.  Marry the person who does all these things for you.  Trust me, it rocks the most.

From me, on my birthday, to all of you - thanks for being in my life and for constantly lifting me up.  I hope I can do the same for all of you!

Until next time,

I Feel Like Being Inspired

If you are like me, you know that sometimes you get so stressed out in life that you forget what it feels like to be inspired.  It's easy to get down or to feel so worn out that you need a little extra push to get you moving!

 
Since I feel like being inspired, I want to inspire all of you!  I saw the first video re-circulating on facebook, so I wanted to share it here.  These stories remind us that everyone can make it in this world - we all have a chance to achieve greatness.  We just have to keep trying...keep persevering!

So here's to you, Peeps!  Here's to me!  Here's to being inspired by greatness!  Let's go change the world!


Source


Source

If you are crying after these, I am sorry.  Actually, I'm not.  Stories like these move people - they are designed to bring you to a new level and to make you aspire to be more than you are. That is the purpose, and I hope we each take the opportunity to be more like J-Mac or Team Hoyt today and every day.

Until next time,

In Case You Need Uplifting

Just to start your week off in the right fashion, I thought I'd share my favorite of the songs we sang at church yesterday.  It truly does have a powerful message, and sometimes, I find that is exactly what you need to cleanse your mind and heart in order to start a brand new week.

I found this song especially moving, simply because I've been so incredibly busy lately.  I've found it very difficult to just stop and slow down for a minute.  Don't get me wrong - I love being busy.  It beats the alternative any day of the week, but one thing I constantly struggle with is balance.  I need to continually practice the balancing act that is life.  You are supposed to work hard, but you also need to take time to relish in the moments life presents to you, and that's something I need to be better about.

So, to those of you who are like me, and forget the simple truth about who gives you the strength to handle all of life's challenges, and through whose teachings you can learn to find balance, this song's for you.  Happy Monday, everyone!


Source

Until next time,

Why Struggle Is Necessary

A few friends and I were discussing the absurd entitlement that children and young adults today employ when a situation arises that is less than favorable to them.  It's a disgusting epidemic that is circling the globe and it saddens me beyond belief, especially when I have my rare moments of entitlement.

Sure, we all have weak moments where we feel someone "owes" us something, or that we really, really "deserve" to get this/have this happen for us.  The people who have it right usually recognize this behavior is occurring within themselves and snap out of it.  Unfortunately, that leaves the rest of the entitlement generation who seem to consistently have it wrong.

During this discussion, we shared stories about where we have helped people younger than us, and we also had to divulge that in some cases, we probably weren't doing them any justice because they could always rely on someone else to "handle" things for them.  Sadly, I think this is one of the most rampant issues in America today - we are babying our nation's children to the point that they literally cannot fend for themselves.  This creates weaker adults, who then marry other weaker adults and produce children three times as weak.  The cycle goes on and on.

I was reading another article today, though, and came across a story similar to those we were sharing with one another, and it was accompanied by "The Tale Of The Butterfly," which I had actually never heard before.  So, I will share it with you, and I encourage you to share it with others!  Let's pass this thing around!

Source

A man found a cocoon of a butterfly.
One day a small opening appeared.
He sat and watched the butterfly for several hours
as it struggled to squeeze its body through the tiny hole.
Then it stopped, as if it couldn't go further.

So the man decided to help the butterfly.
He took a pair of scissors and
snipped off the remaining bits of cocoon.
The butterfly emerged easily but
it had a swollen body and shriveled wings.

The man continued to watch it,
expecting that any minute the wings would enlarge
and expand enough to support the body.
Neither happened!
In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life
crawling around.
It was never able to fly.

What the man in his kindness
and haste did not understand:
The restricting cocoon and the struggle
required by the butterfly to get through the opening
was a way of forcing the fluid from the body
into the wings so that it would be ready
for flight once that was achieved.

Sometimes struggles are exactly
what we need in our lives.
Going through life with no obstacles would cripple us.
We will not be as strong as we could have been
and we would never fly. 
(Author Unknown)

How fitting it was to read and to realize that sometimes, despite our own best intentions, we stunt the growth of others that so desperately needs to happen.  Trying to over-care and over-nurture others does not make you a bad person - quite the opposite, it makes you someone who genuinely wants to help.  But there has to be a point where you have to step back and realize that your help is crippling an individual that needs to learn lessons their own way - and most times, the hard way.

Until next time,

Oh, The Horror...And The Joy

One of my favorite and least favorite things about myself is that I can very easily see (and argue) both sides of just about anything.  While this is a good thing because I have little trouble relating to people in all kinds of situations and seeing someone else's point of view, it's also a very frustrating thing because I end up having a hard time deciding which side is the right side.

Case in point?  On Friday, I will be turning twenty-seven.  There, I said it.  The Chicken Wing will be another year older, and I can see the top of the hill that we all eventually go over.  Fact of life?  Sure.  Melodramatic?  Definitely.

On the one hand, I find myself completely overanalyzing my life - sometimes, it's hard to be a girl, y'all!  I find that as I get older, I do tend to revert back to my high-school mentality and I compare myself to other people.  Heck, more than half of my friends from high school are married and not just have one child - they have multiple children.  What?!?!?  We are totally not old enough for this to be happening - why am I constantly living an episode of "Sixteen and Pregnant?" 

But, it's time to face the facts, Chicken Wing.  We absolutely are old enough for this to happen.  People get married.  People have babies.  We really are grown-ups now.  That's life.  I guess I get a little hung up because I feel like maybe I'm a bit behind everyone else.

But, on the other hand, after I get done obsessively looking in the mirror and critiquing my progress in fighting the aging process, I have to have a laugh at my antics and smile real big (which undoubtedly will create more wrinkles on my face).  Why?  Because, let's face it - I have it pretty good. 

Yes, on Friday, I will be twenty-seven years old.  No, I am not married yet, nor am I engaged.  No, I don't have a gaggle of little chicks following me around.  Yes, I am still renting all these years later.  But, and there is a but....

I have multiple fabulous jobs when some people can't find one. 


Coworker/friend J-Man rocking the "WOW" face.



Full-time job family beach house dog pile!!!



Yes, that is my natural hair color (I'm in front!)



Part-time job = Full-time love!



I had the opportunity to go to and graduate from an amazing college and made some ridiculously awesome friends while there (to add to the ridiculously awesome friends I've had with me since childhood). 



College & Sorority sisters for life!  Alpha love!



My little sisters (both sorority and biologically)!



Love these girls like WHOA!



Two more college lady loves!  <3 my B & B!



So blessed to still have a lot of these Governor's School high school friends in my life!

You can take the girl out of the small town, but you can't take the small town out of the girl!

Best friends since Pre-K!

My little sissy growing up got married this year!  Love you to pieces, G-K!

I got set up on a blind date with literally the most amazing man I've ever met, and over the past year, he and I have created the kind of relationship that I've wanted my whole life. 

So in love with this man!

Thank you, sweet friends, for setting me up with the best gift I've ever received!

My family seriously rocks the most.  It's true, people, we're awesome.  You know it.  We know it.  Glad everyone's okay with that.

Tar Heels for life!

The Siblings Chicken Wing.

Everyone says we're twins!  What do you think?

Welcome to the family, Dubya!

I have the CUTEST furbabies on the planet.  Seriously, tell me I'm lying.  I dare you.

My heart swells with love and pride for these two! So.freaking.adorable.

So, here's to you, twenty-seven.  You may be taking another year off my life, but I laugh in your face.  Look back at all the pictures of what I've got (and if I posted pictures of EVERYONE I have in my life, I would certainly crash this blog).  Twenty-seven or not, who wouldn't want to be me?  That's why no matter my age, every year I can say that I will have a very happy and very blessed birthday.

Until next time,

Three Reasons Today Was Awesome

One thing that I feel is extremely important in life is taking and making the time to be grateful for something - for anything.  In life, things go wrong or not as you planned.  Some dreams don't work out.  Sometimes you lose someone or something close to you.  Sometimes, you feel as though your prayers are unanswered.

Let's be real here - it is so much easier to focus on what you don't have than to focus on what you do have, and I'm genuinely not a fan of that behavior.  My cold, hard look in the mirror reveals that I, too, let the negative get the better of me.  It's easier to whine than to be thankful, but that doesn't make it right.  I want to change that pattern of thinking in my life to the best of my ability.

So, I decided that I would share three reasons why today was awesome.  Here goes nothing!

Reason Number One:  I got to "get the day started" (as my friend M would say) with a hot cup of coffee in my very favorite coffee mug - a hilarious birthday gift from Little Sister Chicken Wing.

Mug Saying: "When The Going Gets Tough, Tell Me I'm Pretty."
Yes, it's summer.  Yes, I'm pasty.  Don't judge me.

Reason Number Two:  I got to watch the video featured in THIS POST that made me start my day with a hearty laugh!


Reason Number Three:  I received a very special gift from one of my amazing colleagues!  Check it out!

Bow chicky wow wow.

(Confession - it's not what you would think based on the packaging, but I think that's probably a good thing!  Haha!)

My gift was really tomatoes grown in her garden!!!!  Thanks, Nance!

Question to my readers:  Could you list any reasons why today was awesome?  If so, I'd love to hear them!  LEAVE A COMMENT! 

If you couldn't give one reason why today was a good day, you most likely need to do some business and check yourself before you wreck yourself.

Until next time,

Goals Are Important

Every now and again, it's good to take some time to focus on your goals.  Having something to achieve is so important in life - the moment you stop trying for something is the moment boredom sets in and we all know what they say about idle hands being the devil's playground.  I've actually seen such boredom in action recently and it's amazing to me how unhappy people can become when they stop reaching for something greater.

I want to increase my chances of reaching my goals, so I thought that it would be best to keep myself accountable, and what better way to do that than to share a few goals with all of you so you can hold me to them! :)  Welcome to your homework, Peeps!  Here goes nothing.

Source

1.  I would like to become more of a domestic goddess.

By domestic goddess, I mean that I would like to be better at all things home related.  I know that in order to accomplish this, I will have to practice better time management, as I have so little free time as it is.  Yes, that means that sometimes, I will have to give up my precious television or catching-up-on-the-magazine-subscription-I'm-four-months-behind-on in order to become the goddess I was intended to be. 

Help needed in the following areas: 
a.  Cooking - yeah, I have three dishes I can successfully make (and that's if I check the recipes a bazillion times).
b.  Cleaning/Organization - Okay, I'm sure we can all be better at this, but I know if I could accomplish a better system for myself, it would keep the anxiety and breathing into brown paper bags at a minimum.  Just kidding - there have been no actual documented panic attacks associated with having to clean or organize things.

Excuse the cell pic (that's me on the end back there) and the members of our Coupon Club at work!

2.  I want to become an awesome coupon queen!

You see, I have discovered that couponing is power, and I want to be better at it!  I have done pretty well so far, but there is vast room for improvement.  (Have you seen Extreme Couponing? Crazy Town, right?!?!)  While I don't have room for that kind of stockpiling, and mine is done on a much more pared-down level, I would love to know that I'm saving money on EVERYTHING I buy.  It's possible - inconvenient sometimes, and a lifestyle change - but possible! I really want to be able to save money!

I, along with some girls at work, even started a Coupon Club at our company, and basically we meet once a week to clip or organize our coupons, and share the ones we know we won't use.  For example, I don't have any children yet, so I have no use for Pull-Ups.  My coworker, though, has a little girl and she's in the midst of potty training.  I give her Pull-Ups coupons and she gives me M&M coupons.  I think it's a fair trade!

Source

3.  Simply doing simple things.

I want to make more time to do simple things.  Day-tripping to the lake, taking a hike, having a picnic, laying by someone's pool, taking a drive somewhere, taking more pictures!  I want to enjoy the simple things in life!

I'm hoping these are some attainable goals - in my experience, having goals is great but overloading yourself with goals is a good way to set yourself up for failure.  While I have way more than three goals currently in my life, I have chosen these three to start with.  Once I accomplish these, I can focus on different ones, and hopefully by pacing myself, I can achieve them!

What about you?  What goals do you hope to soon achieve?

Until next time,

Chicken Wing "New Song Obsession"

I LOVE THIS SONG!

...and it's a Christian song, to boot!  I was flipping through the radio channels in my car the other day, and the background music of this song came on.  I started bopping the head a little bit and thought to myself, "This is quite catchy."

Then, I listened to the lyrics and immediately the song resonated with me!  We all get caught up in the hassles and messes of life, and we sometimes forget to remember just how blessed we are.  This song came at the perfect time for me - if you read my last post, you already know why. If you haven't had a chance to read it, go check it out.

I hope you all enjoy "This Is The Stuff," by Francesca Battistelli.


Source

Until next time,

Always Say A Prayer

Today's post is a very serious one, and it's written by an exhausted mind.  I experienced something last night that I never thought I would, and it's left me with many tired thoughts in my head that I wanted to put out to the world.

In a nutshell, one of my neighbors apparently got to a point where he felt he could no longer go on, and he took his own life in my backyard last night.  From the noise that I heard (I thought someone had broken my flower pot on my patio), to the phone call I received asking if anything was going on, to scanning the parking lot, and eventually discovering his lifeless body behind our townhouse building while trying to console his significant other, it's all a bit of a blur.

There were police officers rushing, and blue lights flashing.  There were people standing in the doorways of the twenty-five units of our little community.  There were questions, and note taking, and flashlights, and crime scene tape.

And there were the poor people who had to deal with the mess that this situation had left them in - someone they loved was gone.  Someone they loved was lying in the grass being documented by the authorities.  If it hadn't been for the fact that you could easily see the contents of his head, you would think he'd simply fainted. 

All in all, it was a horrific sight, and it leaves me feeling so saddened that this young man had reached a point in his short life where he felt he could not continue living.  I never knew his name, but he was always very friendly and kind to me.  We had to alternate the times that we took our dogs outside - his pit bull, while still a puppy, would certainly be able to eat my tiny babies alive, and with all of the animals outside at the same time, none of them could concentrate on the task at hand.

The entire ordeal lasted four hours, and I just keep going back to the fact that from the outside looking in, he seemed fine.  I'd seen him less than two hours before his death, and he seemed fine then too.  I'll probably never know what led him to this, but I can say this - I pray for him.  I pray for his family.  I pray for our little community - for the parents who had to explain to their children why there were so many officers in our neighborhood.  For the extended family and friends of this man, who will most likely have a very hard time coming to grips with the fact that they'll never see him again.

I also have used this time to reflect on the fact that this was another reminder of just how quickly life can be over, and it's important to do what you can to make this world a better place when you're living in it.  Part of me wishes I had gotten to know him - maybe I could have reached out and things could have been different.  The other part of me knows that it possibly wouldn't have been enough, and I'm satisfied with the fact that I could be there for the poor woman who is left alone in that house today.

If there's anything that has been renewed for me through this situation, it's that I have to rely on God when times get hard.  I know that I am not strong enough to handle the weight of the world on my own, and that He is always there for me.  He's protective of me, and He loves me, and He would never have given me life if He hadn't wanted me to be. Sometimes, being the control freak that I am, I have a hard time giving control over to anyone - even God - and that's silly because He ultimately has control of everything.  But, this has reminded me that sometimes, it's best to get on your face with God and ask Him for help.

I even thought back to one of the emails I received - you know the kind.  Sometimes, they are so annoying and usually, they bring the threat of bad things happening to you if you don't send them on.  This one, however, had a poem that made a lot of sense to me, and I thought of it again in light of the events of last night. 

There's work to do, deadlines to meet.
You have no time to spare.
But as you hurry and scurry...
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer.

In the midst of family chaos,
Quality time is rare.
Do your best; let God do the rest.
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer.

It may seem like your worries
Are more than you can bear.
Slow down and take a breather...
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer.

God knows how stressful life can be,
And He wants to ease your cares.
He'll respond to all your needs...
ASAP - Always Say A Prayer.

Today I'm saying a little prayer
That God will send a smile to you
And send you special blessings
Through everything you do.
- Lisa Englehardt 

I wish this young man could have been able to see past his pain and remember to Always Say A Prayer.  Since he was not able to do so, I ask each and every one of you to lift his family up today - lift them up tomorrow, and the rest of this week. Lift them up as long as you can remember to do so.  Lord knows they probably need that comfort and peace right now.

And if you are in need yourself - if suicide has ever crossed your mind - please do not keep this to yourself.  Talk to someone.  Let them tell you how special and loved you are.  Let someone help you.  Life is so precious, and the world will not be the same without you in it.  Always Say A Prayer.

Until next time,

10 Relationship Don't's

Okay, so where did we leave off last time?  Ahh, yes, with some things that you should "do" in relationships.  Now, on to the flipside of my non-professional opinion!

10 Relationship Don't's:

1.  Don't talk negatively about your partner to others.

This is a tough one.  Let's get serious - sometimes your partner is going to do something that drives you crazy, or makes you want to go postal on unsuspecting victims.  There are going to be times when you need to vent about it to someone.  Newsflash:  That's okay!  The trick here is to make sure that you're speaking about your partner in an objective way, and not a negative way.  There is no need to drag your significant other through the mud when he/she has done something that doesn't suit you.  You can discuss a situation without ranting about it.  Also, a sidenote here that I've learned from experience:  if you want to have a venting session, it's always better to do this with a friend and not your family.  God love them, but they will judge your partner FOREVER on everything and it doesn't matter if the judgment is made on good things or bad things.

2.  Don't stop planning together for the future.

We, as humans, were designed to move forward.  Stationary is not in our DNA.  When you stop creating dreams with your partner (especially dreams for your future together), you drift apart.  Think about it - it's good to set goals and have dreams for yourself.  I want to get this job.  I want to one day afford a pair of Christian Louboutin shoes.  Whatever floats your boat.  The same is true of your relationship.  Set goals for the future.  One day, let's try to buy a house.  In three years, let's start having children.  Let's renew our vows at ten years.  Let's save our money and plan that amazing vacation we've always talked about.

3.  Don't be automatically defensive.

This is one that I constantly struggle with.  What can I say...I'm nothing if not scrappy.  Sometimes, I have a hard time distinguishing the difference between a calm, constructive conversation and a full-blown ambush-style attack.  I work really hard to practice listening over defending myself because sometimes, it's genuinely not necessary.  Sometimes, people tend to miss the point of the conversation because they're busy plotting their rebuttal to the first thing that was said.  This is not a good, nor effective practice, and therefore, it made my don't list.

4.  Don't be the end-all, be-all in your relationship.

Okay, say it with me, friends - "Smothering leads to death."  I have a hard time keeping my lunch down when I see a couple who is so imbalanced in regards to time spent apart from one another.  I have literally had to force myself to not react or say something I shouldn't when I see someone literally go off because their significant other is hanging out with his or her friends.  Oh, the horror.  It's good for you to have friends.  It's good for your partner to have friends.  It's good for each of you to see said friends on a semi-regular basis.  Everyone gets busy, but time should be made for friends.  If your man/woman wants to have time with their boys/girls, let them go - even if you don't have any plans for yourself.  (Cue horrified face.)  Use that time by yourself to read a book, take a bubble bath, watch a movie that your partner doesn't want to see, do laundry, exercise - take time for YOU.

5.  Don't lose yourself.

This one goes hand-in-hand with number four.  Oftentimes, I've witnessed people who completely change when they start dating someone new.  They're more concerned with being whomever their partner desires rather than being themselves and finding someone who wants who they are.  Here's a fun fact of the day - dating is usually hard.  The "right one" is not dangled in front of your face for a reason - you have to do the work!  That's why you date.  You don't decide that you like someone, then figure out what they like, and then turn yourself into that, all chameleon-like.  It's not healthy.  Don't drop your friends and family and become obsessed with the person you're dating.  The right person will fit into your life because they are a part of your life, not because they've become your entire life.

6.  Don't go to bed angry/don't leave angry.

There are different schools of thought on this one, but I'm on team "don't do it."  I can get behind the "take a few minutes to cool down" scenario, but I cannot accept someone rolling over and going on with life as though nothing happened.  Something happened.  Hash it out in the calmest and most constructive way you can.  The goal is that both parties can go to sleep satisfied about something.  Everything might not work out just the way you wanted it to, but it will be better in the morning, even if you are tired and cranky. I'm also big on not storming out on someone when you're angry.  Number One, you SHOULD NOT be driving when you're that emotional.  Number Two, how is the other person supposed to trust you to stick around if you are constantly showing them that you'll walk out?  No bueno and no me gusta.

7.  Don't allow fear to be the driving force in your relationship.

In life, crap happens. Someone most likely will treat you badly in some form and you will be forced to carry the baggage of that around (maybe even for the rest of your life). While it's unfortunate, you're not alone in this, and the trick is to not let the baggage weigh you down. You cannot punish your new partner for an old partner's mistakes. They are not the same people and should not be compared to one another. It's okay to use what you've learned and experienced in past relationships to make your current relationship better, but you have to really be attentive and know when you're allowing the fear of what happened before hinder what could happen in your future. Don't beat yourself before you even begin something beautiful.

*Sidenote: In all honesty, if you feel your baggage is too heavy to deal with, please seek out a therapist. There is absolutely no shame in that, and there is an entire profession that exists to help people with all kinds of situations! All you have to do is seek help.

8.  Don't value being right over being a loving partner.

If your relationship's dialogue consists more of, "Boom!  In your FACE!" than anything else, there's probably some big issues there.  We all love to feel the high of being right.  Even better?  The high of knowing that other people know you're right.  That's okay, but you have to keep it in check.  Don't put more into proving to your partner that you're right than you do into finding a solution.  Who cares if your partner swore up and down that Richard Gere starred in Dirty Dancing when the entire world knows it was Patrick Swayze?  I've witnessed folks get downright nasty about something as trivial as that, and it was sickening to see them revel in embarassing their partner in front of people.  Uh-uh.  Not cool. Need more info? Check out number one of this very post.

9.  Don't use what you have as a weapon.

Your love. Your intimacy. Your families. Your kids. Your secrets. Your dreams.  All of the things I just listed are the puzzle pieces that your relationship is made of.  These are things that are sacred and precious to you and to your partner.  How many times have you heard someone say, "Oh yeah? Well, you just cost yourself ____."  "You can consider the kitchen closed." "Well, if you're going to be that way, I guess you won't be needing ______."  Do not threaten your partner with any of these things.  That is a low blow to beat all low blows. 

10.  Don't define love as a noun.

Something I've come to understand is that love as a noun is ephemeral. (Ephemeral means 'lasting for a very short time.')  It's conditional.  "I'll love him as long as he never does this."  "If you ever cheat on me, I'll leave."  There are many conditions we've all heard before that "determine" whether or not someone will stay with their partner.  I've also seen so many times where love was spoken but not done.  I try to define love as a verb - it's something that we do.  Saying the words doesn't make them so.  It's the actions that make someone understand that you're in this for the long haul.  I am starting to understand unconditional love in relationships.  I've seen people go through things that I've seen ten other couples end a marriage over.  Guess what?  In about 90% of those cases, the couples who stayed together and worked through their issues are some of the happiest and most fulfilled people I know.  The ones who left?  They've bounced from relationship to relationship because they accept what is as status quo.  They don't stand and fight for their relationships.  I choose love as a verb.

*Sidenote:  There are some things that SHOULD NOT be accepted.  Abuse is one of those things.  Putting your partner in danger is one of those things.  There are always exceptions to any rule, and I would never encourage anyone to "stay and fight" if they're up against someone who takes that literally.  If you find yourself in a situation like that, please ask for help and get out.  The right person is out there waiting for you, and you don't have to take that anymore.

As I've said in the posts before, these are simply lists that I wanted to jot down primarily for myself.  I want to take my own advice and I want to put to action what I've learned over the years.  I'm not qualified, nor should I be used as the end-all, be-all for your relationships.  I don't want any, "Well, Miss Chicken Wing said it so it must be so" situations on my wings. (Get it, I could have said 'hands' but that would be silly.)

I hope we all can help one another out in making our relationships better than ever!  I want us all to be more than happy, and I started this series because I get asked for advice when people see that I've lived through certain situations.  I figured that there may be someone too shy to ask, and maybe these could help you out!


Until next time,

10 Relationship Do's

Let me start by saying that it was really hard for me to just choose ten things, but I'm winging it.  Get it?  Because I'm the Chicken Wing.  Har-dee-har-har.  Let's get to it!

10 Relationship Do's:

1. Respect your partner.

Respect takes a lifetime to gain and a second to lose. It's important that you think about what's great in your partner - what makes you proud of him/her? What makes you proud that he/she picked you?

2. Be someone your partner can respect.

If you want to be treated like a child, act like a child. If you want your partner to be proud to be with you, be a living example of that type of person. Act like a lady or a gentleman. Be kind to other people. Take the high road when others upset you. Be the type of person that others can look up to.

3. Be honest.

Even "truth hurts" brutal honesty is better than no honesty at all. There are few things that hurt worse than a lie or omission, and you should be able to trust your partner to be able to handle the truth. The truth always comes out one way or another, so you want to be on the right side of that truth.

4. Be faithful.

Cheating is a touchy subject. Clearly there are trust issues and respect issues where cheating is involved. I've been in situations times before where I could genuinely understand why people cheat. (Reference the 80/20 rule clip in the last post). The bottom line is this - cheating is taking the easy way out. If you don't communicate that something is missing and that you're having a hard time with temptation, your partner never has a chance to fix the problems. You're beating yourself before you even begin.

5. Make fun a priority.

Let's be honest - life is hard. It's hard to be light and cheery all the time when gas prices are about to hit $4.00 per gallon and everyone is suffering financially and the kids/pets are driving you crazy and you're always pulled in a million directions. It can be overwhelming, that's for sure. It is your responsibility, though, to stop the world for a minute and schedule some fun time for you and your partner. Reconnect, laugh, and be silly. If you don't, you're going under. Or you're destined to be miserable for the rest of your life, and that sounds about as fun as swimming in the ocean in a steak bikini.

6. Communicate often and thoroughly.

Communication has always been pretty easy for me - heck, I'm a talker to beat all talkers who was born to a talker who beats all talkers. Sometimes, though, communication is hard. Sometimes, there are things that need to be said that you don't want to say. Say them. Nothing can help your partner get a better insight into who you are and how you think than you telling them. Take the guesswork out. If you want something, say you want something. If you are unhappy with how a situation was handled, talk it out. If you are not having fun at the moment and you feel like you need to have fun, say so. I hate to be the bearer of devastating news, but men and women don't think the same. They also don't communicate the same. The sooner you realize that, the better it will be for everyone involved.  Oh, and don't forget that listening is one-half of communicating.

7. Be open-minded.

There have been several times in my relationship where I've been introduced to new things.  Comanche has multiple interests that are the same as mine.  He also has multiple interests that I either a) knew absolutely nothing about or b) thought I wasn't cut out for (read: had no interest in at all).  I've learned through my relationship with him that by being open-minded to new experiences and ideas, I've become so much more well-rounded!  I now like new foods that I'd never tried before, and I've attempted to do things I never really wanted to do before.  Take camping - I always said it wasn't for me.  Comanche asked nicely (and purchased all of the things we'd need, therefore making it impossible for me to say no), and I loved it!  I now want to camp at least once every year! 

8.  Compromise.

Wow, this is so important.  I actually don't like the word compromise as much (because so many people use it with a negative undertone), so Comanche and I take a different approach.  We call it "The Game Plan."  We lay out our options on the table and then pick and choose what we think will be best and we listen to one another's sides.  From there, we make our game plan, and the trick to this is to stick to the game plan.  For example, if we have an event that one of us really wants to go to, and the other has to be up to work early the next morning, we devise a plan that will satisfy both of us, and then we stick to the plan - no exceptions.  That makes it a win-win for everyone, we decided in advance, and we communicated the entire time.  Talk about teamwork!

9.  Make sure your partner knows how much you love him/her.

It really does not take more than a few seconds to look your partner in the eye and say, "I love you."  It also doesn't take more than a few minutes to write a cute note, make a Valentine, construct a text message or email, or leave a voicemail.  There are so many opportunities to make your partner feel loved and appreciated.  Make him/her dinner one night.  Or, if your partner makes you dinner, clean up without discussion. Kiss them a lot.  Hug them a lot. Have a dance-off.  Watch their favorite show with them.  Plan a date night.  Go for a walk and hold hands.  Have a picnic (in the park or on the living room floor). Give him/her a massage.  Heck, buy him/her a massage.  I happen to be dating a flower ninja, myself, and that works for me!


Literally on my windshield when I walked outside yesterday morning.  Love that man!

 10.  Participate presently.

This one is huge.  What I mean by this is be present in your relationship.  Don't put things off for tomorrow - none of us are promised that, anyways.  Don't say, "I'll make time for this later."  Also, just remember one of the fundamentals - participate.  There is nothing worse than a one-sided relationship in which one person does all of the work and all of the trying.  It is so un-fulfilling and unhealthy.  Resentment and disappointment are two words that are detrimental to any relationship, so head them off by participating and pulling your own weight.  If you notice that it's been awhile since you've done something nice for your partner, step it up. 

Be dependable - be there when your partner needs you. If they call, answer the phone if you can.  If you are supposed to be somewhere at a certain time, be there.  If you've told your partner that you will do something, do it.  Meet deadlines if there are any.  This feeds the trust that is necessary in all relationships.  Don't get into a rut where you're constantly being asked to do things.  If that's happening, it could be one of two things.  Either your partner is going through a needy spell, or you're severely dragging.  Either way, it needs to be addressed, and you can look back up to #6 for tips on that.  The bottom line is that ALL relationships take work, and it takes work from both parties involved.  Participating means you're doing the work, and that is more than half the battle. 

*Footnote:  Again, I am not a therapist. I'm actually not qualified to give relationship advice to anyone, but I get asked relationship questions all the time and decided to provide my opinion.  Just wanted to throw that disclaimer out there!  I also don't claim to be good at all of these things.  In fact, some of these tips I learned the hard way - I was the one who wasn't living up to my potential.  Others were things I wish had been done for me in relationships.  That's why they say relationships take work and you learn something new every day.

Up next:  10 Relationship Don't's.

Until next time,

Let's Talk About Relationships

I've decided to create a small blog series about romantic relationships.  Lord knows I've learned a ton about relationships through the years, and I haven't even been married yet!  There are so many variables when it comes to relationships and I have a hard time stifling my uncontrollable laughter whenever I hear someone say, "You'll know you've met the one when everything is easy."

Yeah, okay.  My advice to you, friend? 



Source

Sure, things can flow very smoothly, and you may find someone that you're exceptionally compatible with.  There's still what is called the 80/20 rule.  Never heard of it?  Allow my good friend Tyler Perry to explain it to you through his sensational film, "Why Did I Get Married?"


Source

Basically, keeping the 80/20 rule in mind, you're going to continually be faced with choices in your relationships. Times will get hard, and you will never get 100% of what you need. That's why no one has the perfect relationship.

I actually was in a public place the other night and heard a couple in a drag-down, knock-out fight. I mean, they were really going at it. The man in the relationship was being extremely sarcastic and short. The woman in the relationship was so demeaning, loud, and rude. Ultimately, they were airing their dirty laundry IN PUBLIC and all that was successfully happening was that they were feeding off of each other's meanness to see who could verbally hit the hardest.

Source

That horrific scene caused me to think about relationships and the lessons I've learned throughout the years, and I thought I'd share two posts with you - the first post is about relationship do's. The second is about relationship don't's.  Keep in mind, these are not scientific.  I am not a therapist nor an expert.  These are just some lessons I've learned or things I've learned to be true along the way. I'd also love to hear any insights that you all  have to offer!  The more we share with one another, the better we all will be!

Until next time,