Saturday, September 3, 2011

You Gotta Keep Em Separated

"Hey, man you talkin back to me?
Take him out,
You gotta keep em separated...."

Okay, okay, flashing back to 1994 when The Offspring first released that song (with the ever-catchy surfer instrumental) isn't actually the point of this post.  Not even close, to be honest.  But, the main theme that was repeated throughout that song was, "You Gotta Keep Em Separated," and that theme ties perfectly in with the ever-important topic that I will cover with you today.

I once referenced HERE that Comanche had made a certain sandwich "just the way I like it."  That sandwich was none other than the all-American classic - peanut butter and jelly!

Enter music montage. Go on, watch it.


Okay, enough with the nonsense - back to the matter at hand.  In my book, there is only one correct way to make a PB&J and I wanted to impart my wisdom on the masses.  It is imperative that you all know what is the right way and what is the wrong way.  Here goes nothing...

Step One.  Always start with the jelly.

Grape is my jelly of choice.

Step One, complete.
Step Two.  Rinse off your knife.

Seriously. Don't miss Step Two.
Step Three.  Peanut butter application.

Don't worry, PB!  You get your turn!

Clean rim = clean soul.

Step Four.  Thank your audience for watching you do the correct PB&J-making method.  (Please note that they are the primary reason why you start with the jelly and then move to the good stuff).

Yeah, it was a full house that day - my kids had friends over.

The peanut butter party has started.
Step Five.  Press each side together in a "folded over" fashion.  I call them "peanut butter and jelly folded overs."

See?  Folded overs!
Step Six.  Locate PB&J Party Fouls.

Uh uh.  Not cool.  My skin is literally crawling.  Ew.
Step Seven.  Show your obvious disdain for the situation.

Step Eight.  The final step.  Hunt the offenders and make them pay.

In the wise words of Liam Neeson, "I will find you and I will kill you."
There you have it, folks.  This has been a valuable life lesson from me to you.  You are welcome.

Until next time,

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