Friday, December 10, 2010

Reverb 10 - Prompt #5

December 5 – Let Go. What (or whom) did you let go of this year? Why? (Author: Alice Bradley)

Well, if one thing is for sure, it is that this prompt is an emotional one.  Well done, Alice Bradley, well done.  It's interesting to me that this prompt was posted on December 5th. This day is my dad's birthday. He passed away when I was ten years old, but I still celebrate his birthday every year just the same.  What an ironic occurrence - to be caused to reflect about loss on the birthday of someone I had to let go of fifteen years ago.

To start, let me say that 2010 brought a lot of letting go for me.  In some instances, I wanted to let go.  In others, I had no choice but to let go.  Take for example my beloved grandfather.  He was someone that, if I had my way, would never leave this earth.  He was genuinely one of the most likeable men on the planet.  Honestly.  You could ask anyone and they would wholeheartedly agree.  In order to be completely unselfish, though, my family and I had to let Papa go because a horrific combination of Alzheimer's disease and lung cancer decreased his quality of life dramatically.  Luckily for us, and for him, he passed fairly easily and seemed to be finally at peace.  Even though it was incredibly hard, it was best to just let go. 

The same was true of my Uncle Deano.  Cancer is a dirty word, and unfortunately it overtook my uncle this year.  While I didn't get to see him nearly often enough (due to geographical difficulty), he was always a light in my life.  He had a booming voice and a personality to match, and oh, how we love him and miss him.

This year has been such a time of learning for me.  In several instances, it produced a disappointing outcome.  Through trials and tribulations I faced this year, I discovered that there were people whom I thought were true friends who did not return the same love and time I had given to them in their own hard times.  It was a horrible feeling to see who wasn't standing there when the shoe was on the other foot, and that was hard for me.  I'm one of those people who often loves too hard.  If someone needs me, I will be there, and my inner circle absolutely knows that.  I guess I thought the same would be true of my friends, and I have not found that to be the case with all of them.

I learned that some people are more than willing to continually take from you, but see no reason to ever give, and that is an unhealthy friendship.  I've had to learn how to distance myself and let go of those who have chosen not to be there for me.  People who I thought genuinely loved me completely took advantage of me and felt it was okay to use me up.  I'm not at all good at letting go, but at some point you grow up and realize that some relationships can be detrimental to you.  You have to find a way to let go in order to better yourself. 

Luckily, my spirit is very hard to break, and I have been able to carry on in spite of these realizations.  While this part of the year has been hard, it has cultivated so much knowledge, and I wouldn't trade this for the world.

Until next time,

No comments:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...